I can’t imagine the difficulty in raising 1 son alone let alone 3 so my hats off to you and sending prayers your way.
What I can say -as I’m raising a son, is that what’s built-in to boys is an alpha gene geared towards dominating. Sounds like you’re experiencing the joys of it. 😂 What’s NOT built-in is the knowledge in how to direct that energy. I have this conversation with my wife often as she is starting to see the signs of our young son seeking ways to “challenge” her. Single moms usually have to overcompensate to match energy because they’re physically at a disadvantage. Boys eventually pick up on this. I knew at young age I could take my mom but that meant I would have to also take my dad -a losing proposition. But I also had and a certain level of respect in that she was my mom and she was a woman and only a pathetic loser of an @ss would put hands on their mom.
I think your words are correct, but how you train will be incredibly important. Your boys will know when you’re overcompensating. I knew when my mom did it. But how you say it in those non-heated moments will matter most.
I’ve mentored men who were raised by a single mom and they’ve all struggled with a combination of understanding what it means to be a man, sexual identity issues, how to care for a woman, and addictions which become coping mechanisms because they feel lost. There’s a complex dynamic between fathers and their sons. Mothers have the same thing but with their daughters. This doesn’t mean the situation is hopeless. If you understand the “potential” future impacts then you can work towards minimizing them -placing them in activities or scenarios that can help develop them as leaders with male mentors stewarding them a bit.
I applaud you for being so attuned because many single mothers are not. Many refuse to believe that they cannot fulfill the role of a father. I think one of the best things you can do is reach out to fathers and inquire. Which you are doing and is a highly respectable thing to do! This is probably way more than you asked for but I hope this helps a little bit. ❤️👊🏾
I think I miscommunicated my question tho, I was actually referring to the dudes I got involved with witnessing those interactions with my sons and I. Because it seems that every dude I got involved with, sooner or later took on more the stereotypical 'Womens" or Feminine role as opposed to being the provider & protector, and then expected me to happily fullfil those roles- creating a role reversal which left me better off on my own. Also the reason I been dolo since 2017, every time I even entertained the idea of a relationship I was reminded all too quickly why I was single in the 1st place🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️😂😂
Honestly my 2 oldest sons (34 & 31 currently) are very good Husbands & Fathers, I believe that is in part due to me always being honest with them about everything (including my own faults & shortcomings)- my oldest & I have had our ups & downs over the years & from the time he was 17-22yo we didn't even speak (his wishes not mine), but in the long run we are good, he did have a serious alcohol addiction for quite a few years & Ik a lot of childhood things helped to create that, then compounded over the years. One thing I can say tho is My Baby is clean & sober for eell over a year now & I Am Incredibly Proud of Him. The Man, Husband, Father, Provider, and Protector He is, is seriously Admirable.
Ahh my bad! That’s an interesting dynamic. Sounds like the guys you were involved with didn’t know how to be a man or perhaps they weren’t sure how far to engage as a “father” figure. 🤷🏾♂️
Awesome to hear that your boys are doing well!!! That’s major props to you!
William Hunter Duncan brought up an thought process of the possibility of dudes wanting to be "mothered" as a possible why- & when I thought about it, not too many had good/healthy relationships with their mothers, so I think that may be the answer & not that I 'damaged' them, lol
I am not a dad, but I am a son, and I have worked in men's circles many times, helping men through their mom and dad issues.
Your boys need strong men around, to model themselves after, first and foremost. That of course is a challenge these days, we are all so atomized and made busy, so little sense of community left, a lot of men not willing or able to mentor.
Boys want to feel useful, important, with a sense of meaning and purpose. They want to be and feel capable. You might tell them what qualities you see in a strong man who is useful and capable. They need to learn to see projects to completion, which of course they need projects they believe in.
They do not need to be shamed or belittled, made to feel small. Not saying you are doing that, but a lot of women do that to their men. We tend to respond well when we are lifted up and made to feel proud of ourselves and our achievements.
I admire anyone raising kids these days. I have been thinking a lot lately, how things would have been different if I had made my High School girlfriend my foundation, or built one for her. We would have had a bunch of great kids.
I have apparently miscommunicated what I was asking- I so Appreciate those of U who have responded, my kids are full grown men already- they actually are Really Great Men, Husbands, and Fathers- I was asking for mens perspective on if witnessing me raise my sons in that manner actually turned the (already) grown men I was dating into switching roles, because of my saying- "I'm the Man of the House" or were the dudes just flawed to start with.
Sounds like you did fine with your boys. The question then is, did you choose guys to date who want a woman to mother them? They were likely already emasculated. Strong men are not intimidated by strong women, but some women who think they are strong treat men like they are less than, more stealing a mans power than being strong. Some women who can't figure out why they can't find a good strong man, don't feel like they have to treat a man with dignity and respect. Some women want a man they can dominate. Most good, strong men will not be dominared by anyone.
Ok, I kind of thought I shouldn't be taking that responsibility🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ I never disrespect anyone unless they've disrespected me. Amd I think U are correct in thst they were probably looking to be 'mothered' because to reslly think back not too many of the men I've dated throughout my lifetime actually had healthy relationships with their mothers🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
Sometimes that relationship with mom was a bit too “healthy”, in the sense that she was the first to emasculate him, and even as a man he is still controlled in a sense by her. But it is also true, even the best men might cozy a little too much to being taken care of by a woman.
Yes I can definitely see where that has certainly played out with some dudes- & on the 2nd part, I kinda feel like that's been perpetuated by society's whole feminazi bs too- the ol "if U can't beat em join em" bit
Your anger with your son, and thinking he had too much testosterone is typical for women who like to emasculate men. But you are no feminist. You tell him he is the one that has to do all the stuff to keep a household. You are all over the map. I can relate, but no way is it a good thing for the men in your life.
From the hillbilly's perspective, out here we killed all the mature bucks in season, out of season until there weren't enough left to keep the young bucks in check, all they want to do is mount the does, the does then drop fawns all times of the year reducing the population through predation (foaling in the winter creates safety by numbers).
Destroy the nuclear family by removing the males and we have this. Disenfranchising them is cutting off their balls so we have de-masculated males.
Gone is a tribal introduction into manhood, conducted by the men.
I couldn't agree with U more, as for destroying the Nuclear family, & that is something which has been deliberately targeted for quite some time already- it's a lot more difficult for an uprising if it's a seriously unequal battlefield. Thankfully my sons (the older 2- who incidently had more responsibility and spent 99% of their childhood with me only) actually became great husbands, fathers, protectors, & providers (unfortunately my youngest who actually spent his childhood years half with me, half with his father ironically didn't grow as well adjusted. Quite sadly his marriage didn't last very long, his wife & he argued relentlessly & then she took the kids, he pretty much lost it, ran away with the circus and ended up on the West Coast where he is currently incarcerated). I would have much preferred Not having to try and fill both roles with my sons, but life had different plans & this is why, I most certainly will Not try to fill both roles or switch roles in a relationship. Thank U David, I most certainly Appreciate Your perspective👑👑🥰🥰💜💜☯️☯️🧿🧿🌴🌴
1st off...hats off to u young ma'am. 🫱 🎩. 2nd off, kudos to U for the courage to even ask, to share detailed truth.💪 I hope U know the magnitude of such💓🎶🎶🎶. 3rd off, how cool am I to be the line emoji user in my "name"😁....4rth...Congrats on raising 3 boys to be men. I have 2 brothers and one mother, 3 step fathers and one hell of a life story. I'm the oldest and cutest🙄, but no matter the efforts, I was unstoppable, kicked outta every school, a "runaway," locked up as a teen...ass bustings and hollering didn't phase this 🐏. I truly think so many variables go into the answering of ur question. Honestly tho, trial and error, the scientific method may be the best way. In my opinion, it takes time to truly know someone and relationship "evolution" has to be noticed. Consistent communication is the key, that and don't put on a show to impress in the beginning(been guilty myself). So many times I saw the "red flags" and didn't even speak on such....therefore I have no room to wine later, well maybe a little 🍾...😭...I "fall in love" or fantasize all the time, but I am honest with myself about the likelihood of my daydreaming. Want in one hand shit in the other ya know...but at the same time, you'll never know till ya try...Life be so finicky I swear... nerve-wracking beautifully a perfect mess...like me and probably U...Oh and the most important advice...KNOW THYSELF, LOVE THYSELF🥰. How can anyone expect to love another if...yea enuff said...Thank U so much for including me on ur journey and I am so proud to call U a friend. Keep on lil Ms. Warrior and know I got ur back💯💪🌬️💞
Thank U Sean👑👑 I Appreciate U. I certainly comprehend & definitely agree, I think back in the day I accepted everyone & everything at face value, simply because I'm Always Me. I've grown over the years tho to stop expecting Anyone else to maintain high self-standards because I realize thats retarded on my part, lol. Time & time again I ended up in arguments cuz I accepted someone for who they (showed me) were, not expecting them to change & they full on expected me to change (or decided they would change me🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️😂😂) which is a rather amusing scenario that only comes from the fact that we each thought the other was doing exactly what we were🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🥴🥴 Thank U for throwin your 2¢ in, and Thank U King for BEing Here🥰🥰👑👑💜💜☯️☯️🧿🧿🌴🌴
I hear 💯%. If U only knew the shit I've dealt with...ugggghhh, but am working my way to not anymore. Shits ridulous and not a respectful way of life. I'd go into detail, but I'll sound like a wacked out insano person. Pretty much how the game people play iz designed...I choose not to live in competition or be a half ass person, slave to money or status. So beyond weird to me that some are so insecure as to wanna control or misguide others...Hope they find the help they need, the courage, love, and integrity too. Hopefully it's a big joke on me I keep thinking, but....Making my way to a better place, sooner than later I hope and staying loyal to me and my pursuit of happiness. 🥰🙏🫶🌎🙌
I apologize in advance if I’m missing important background that would allow me to provide a better response. Reading through your earlier Posts is definitely in my future, but I have quite a bit (not relevant here) going on that I need to take care of first.
On keeping your sons in line, first you did the best you could and were the person with the most knowledge of anyone on Earth on how to handle them. There’s no script, no magic formula.
Did your raising your sons somehow “Emasculate” what I would term the placeholders in your life? They weren’t men, they weren’t there for you, just for a part of you.
IF they had ever intended to be there for you, they would have had a private talk with you, i.e. with your sons nowhere around, about not just discipline, but also on guiding your sons through life, the extent to which they could be a "father figure", and the permissible boundaries of their relationship with your sons. Would it have been ok with you if they had spent time with your sons, going out, doing man things, and so on? I’m not asking you that, I’m asking whether THEY ever asked you about things like that. And from afar, I get the distinct impression that the answer to that is “No”.
“It is better to be alone, than it is to be alone in a relationship”.
I submit that as a guidepost. Wait for the right one to come along. Wait for the one that has done things with their life, has one or more purposes in life, has successes in their life, is self-sufficient and not looking for “a financial merger with benefits”. You do not need any man to complete you. You do not need any man period. You have plenty of people here online that care for you. Once you find your permanent home, there are plenty of loving souls at the animal shelters that will repay the love you give to them several times over. I don’t think that’s been the case with those pseudo-men that you describe.
On the subject of “men”, I grew up where male role models were WW2 Veterans. My father was in the US Army, on the ground and not behind a desk, not flying a plane, etc.. And the Vietnam Vets, while many were poisoned by “their” government with Agent Orange and other toxins, have continued the WW2 tradition pretty well despite their health challenges and a greater degree of PTSD since theirs was more guerilla warfare that only a relatively few WW2 Vets experienced.
I also remember reading in the late 60s/early 70s, in the mainstream press (good luck finding this information in today’s “media”/NSAGoogle) about frogs born with both kinds of genitalia. That was not an accident, that was not “pollution” ("The Official Story" at the time). That was, just like in High School Science Class, an experiment on frogs, to see how gender-blending could be effectively implemented, with what was learned then inflicted upon humans. And that’s just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.
The point is, what you see, what you remember as “men”, still exist yes, but not nearly on the scale, numerically/emotionally/otherwise, that there used to be.
So be extremely protective of yourself, be extremely selective, and if they don’t stack up you have your tribe here on Substack and some no doubt elsewhere. You’re worth it, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Again: “It is better to be alone, than it is to be alone in a relationship”.
And since you have us, you will never ever truly be alone.
Thank U so much for taking your time to respond King👑👑, I so Appreciate U. I didn't really get to sit down and respond yesterday as I had intended but there's quite a few answers on here, yours included, which have been kinda simmering on the back burner as I've gone thru 2 workdays since posing the question.
First and foremost please, never apologize for living, lol- I am the 1st one who will always comprehend that as much as we may want to simply sit down & do days on end of reading, few of us (if any) currently have that luxury. I very much Appreciate your perspective in here, and I was leaning towards that thought process, however I tend to assume responsibility for All my actions in this life (yes I realize that makes me an anomaly- and I'm ok with that😏😏). So I had to get Mens perspective on this, to be sure I wasn't simply attempting to let myself either take blame I didn't own or let myself off the hook for something I might have done wrong. Blessings for U My Friend🥰🥰👑👑💜💜☯️☯️🧿🧿🌴🌴
"The other day, I heard an Intuitive Whisper, I've been ‘Emasculating Men’ that I was in ‘relationships’ with pretty much my entire life."
No, Reina... you have not.
See, you do not have the power to 'emasculate' anyone... unless they hand you that power themselves, which means - ironically - they already came into the relationship emasculation-ready. In other words? It would not be your fault.
And how a single-mother chooses to raise her children should have had no bearing on a relationship between a man and woman anyhow - you clearly knew what was best for your boys, and if a man could not accept that - much less NOT be emasculated by it? He wasn't the man for you, or really any woman with a shred of self-respect. And since you have that in spades?
Yeah, from my perspective... you're good :-) Hope this helps, my friend...
Thank U So Much Bro👑👑 Every time I've read your response, I have to chuckle, Yes Your perspective Certainly helps🥰🥰 I've been getting so many downloads & fresh info intuitively lately it's been difficult to sort out what may have erroneously slipped in. A few ghosts have visited lately as well, so while in the midst of dealing with the 3D, my ever adventurous nite travels, learning all things farming plus the daily chaos that has been ramped up these past few weeks- I've been seriously overwhelmed with a lot. And having been a chronic overthinker most of my life, I like to make sure that if I need an asswhoopin, I'm the one who gives it to me🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🥴🥴😂😂 I so Appreciate U BEing here, part of My Journey, Mad Love & Blessings🥰🥰👑👑💜💜☯️☯️🧿🧿🌴🌴
Hmm. As far as the emasculation goes, I don't think I can add anything better than what Stone Bryson mentioned above.
My only observation would be this. You had a pre-existing family/household dynamic in which you (understandibly) had to maintain a very strong and controlling position at the head. I could see where it would be difficult for even a self confident man to enter into that family dynamic and assume that masculine role, knowing that it is not (at least in the beginning) his own family/household to lead. Definitely not impossible, but a hurdle to overcome.
Thank U King👑👑 Yes I can definitely see how that dynamic itself could be intimidating even, difficult at least, I personally have gone thru similar adjustments when a guy I got involved with had kids already as well, even worse when the other parent is not actually in the picture. I think that's actually one of the reasons I felt maybe it was somewhat my responsibility- especially when U overthink the hell outta everything (like I do) and that whole "common denominator" theory pops up in your head🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️😂😂
Thank U So Much King👑👑 I do truly Appreciate U. I think one of the biggest issues is my tendency to overthink everything and combined with the fact that I always take responsibility for my actions leads to me questioning if I "did something wrong" if I'm the common denominator with kinda same issue repeatedly. On the flip side going thru all of these responses has also made me think about why I was that common denominator, because apparently I hadn't actually learned the Lesson I was supposed to so I kept getting reinvolved with the same dude in different meatsuits🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🥴🥴
Damn, this hit deep. First off - respect for even asking the question, because most people would just double down on their stance and keep rolling. The way I see it, real masculinity doesn’t evaporate just because a strong woman enters the room. If a man is truly in his power, he won’t feel "emasculated": he’ll rise, meet that energy, and build something solid with it.
That being said, I get it. When you’ve been running the whole damn show solo, it’s hard to step back and let someone else carry weight. Not because you don’t want to, but because experience has taught you that when you do, shit falls apart. So is it emasculating, or is it a stress test most men fail?
Maybe the real question isn’t whether you took their masculinity, but why they never fully owned it in the first place. 🔥👑
Thank U Queen👑👑 for chiming in!! I Appreciate your perspective greatly. Honestly one part of me was stating exactly what U said, but then I had an internal argument because I also always own my actions and my responsibility to them. Actually it was My Shadow who was saying that but nowhere near as eloquently as U stated it, so I had to double check- she tends to be an aggressive asshole at times🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️😂😂 Mad Love & Blessings🥰🥰👑👑💜💜☯️☯️🧿🧿🌴🌴
Dear Reina, this post has stayed with me. I honor your courage in writing it. I don't exactly know how to give a wonderful comment. It seems to me you are in warrior mode, excellent for raising boys on your own, but less so for romance. The warrior mode, might not be serving you well now as the original purpose, raising your kids, is no longer needed? A question I think is worth contemplating, and nixing if wrong: do you have a fear of embracing your divine feminine?
Thank U King👑👑 I very much Appreciate your perspective, and while not today (at this point in my life), I honestly believe U brought up a very good point. It's never been so much a fear of embracing as, quick to withdraw- like the second a dude waivers on fulfilling his role, I would immediately (without even realizing that I had done so) pick up the slack & run with it. Somewhere down the line realizing that we had "switched roles" & instantly be left in disgust because if I have to be the provider and protector, then I am better off doing it for myself by myself. And that is also when I would completely lose respect (not disrespect as there is a difference) for him as a man- I've also been known to tell a guy str8 out that I already have(had) 3 sons to raise, I don't need or want another especially 1 who's bigger than me to start with & supposedly full grown🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️😂😂
Hey Reina! I very much agree with Stone's comment but wanted to add a bit more. My dad was the disciplinarian in our household and at time's he would have to get our attention in ways similar to how you describe in your post. As an adult now, I don't blame him for it at all, in fact I appreciate it. Had he taken a back seat and just let me do whatever I wanted, I wouldn't have learned how to take care of myself out in the world. It doesn't sound like you were throwing blatant insults at your kids, which would lower confidence. But instead you were getting your son's attention, which is important because kids surely don't know everything. Fast forward to today, I personally think the world has become too sensitive in terms of masculinity. It's almost like we've become so sensitive we can't handle masculine men. I've been discussing this a lot in some groups I'm a member of and we've come to the consensus that we need to reshape masculinity in a way where men are strong leaders who support growth and do not put down or try to dominate and control others. Like Stone says, no one has the power to "emasculate" you, but if that is happening more in society, I would say it's because of how society has turned to portray masculinity recently, as if it's a harmful, bad, dangerous thing. It's not... It just may need to be clarified what "good masculinity" is. Toxic masculinity is talked about a lot in articles and the news, but we hear nothing of what "good examples of masculinity" look like. Parents 50+ years ago did way crazier things with their network than we do today, hence why I believe we've become more sensitive. It's a mans job (and really women too) to check in on themselves after they leave home and notice anything that was missed during their upbringing. That's what I did. Taught myself anything I was missing (which was a decent amount) and took responsibility for molding my own character in what seemed right to me after I saw the world a bit with my own eyes. I hope this was helpful for you!
I've not done the job I've needed to with my sons. Both are grown, but not quite independent. It's been challenging to move from mom/son to grownup/grownup. We're working through it. Nothing I saw in this post seemed emasculating to me. On the other hand, I was raised hard and expected my sons to be the same way without the hard upbringing. That was dead wrong. Also, although we're sharing a space, I can't treat them like second class citizens. We have to come to agreements and respect them, until they're in their own places.
I can’t imagine the difficulty in raising 1 son alone let alone 3 so my hats off to you and sending prayers your way.
What I can say -as I’m raising a son, is that what’s built-in to boys is an alpha gene geared towards dominating. Sounds like you’re experiencing the joys of it. 😂 What’s NOT built-in is the knowledge in how to direct that energy. I have this conversation with my wife often as she is starting to see the signs of our young son seeking ways to “challenge” her. Single moms usually have to overcompensate to match energy because they’re physically at a disadvantage. Boys eventually pick up on this. I knew at young age I could take my mom but that meant I would have to also take my dad -a losing proposition. But I also had and a certain level of respect in that she was my mom and she was a woman and only a pathetic loser of an @ss would put hands on their mom.
I think your words are correct, but how you train will be incredibly important. Your boys will know when you’re overcompensating. I knew when my mom did it. But how you say it in those non-heated moments will matter most.
I’ve mentored men who were raised by a single mom and they’ve all struggled with a combination of understanding what it means to be a man, sexual identity issues, how to care for a woman, and addictions which become coping mechanisms because they feel lost. There’s a complex dynamic between fathers and their sons. Mothers have the same thing but with their daughters. This doesn’t mean the situation is hopeless. If you understand the “potential” future impacts then you can work towards minimizing them -placing them in activities or scenarios that can help develop them as leaders with male mentors stewarding them a bit.
I applaud you for being so attuned because many single mothers are not. Many refuse to believe that they cannot fulfill the role of a father. I think one of the best things you can do is reach out to fathers and inquire. Which you are doing and is a highly respectable thing to do! This is probably way more than you asked for but I hope this helps a little bit. ❤️👊🏾
Terrence I so Appreciate U for responding.
I think I miscommunicated my question tho, I was actually referring to the dudes I got involved with witnessing those interactions with my sons and I. Because it seems that every dude I got involved with, sooner or later took on more the stereotypical 'Womens" or Feminine role as opposed to being the provider & protector, and then expected me to happily fullfil those roles- creating a role reversal which left me better off on my own. Also the reason I been dolo since 2017, every time I even entertained the idea of a relationship I was reminded all too quickly why I was single in the 1st place🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️😂😂
Honestly my 2 oldest sons (34 & 31 currently) are very good Husbands & Fathers, I believe that is in part due to me always being honest with them about everything (including my own faults & shortcomings)- my oldest & I have had our ups & downs over the years & from the time he was 17-22yo we didn't even speak (his wishes not mine), but in the long run we are good, he did have a serious alcohol addiction for quite a few years & Ik a lot of childhood things helped to create that, then compounded over the years. One thing I can say tho is My Baby is clean & sober for eell over a year now & I Am Incredibly Proud of Him. The Man, Husband, Father, Provider, and Protector He is, is seriously Admirable.
Ahh my bad! That’s an interesting dynamic. Sounds like the guys you were involved with didn’t know how to be a man or perhaps they weren’t sure how far to engage as a “father” figure. 🤷🏾♂️
Awesome to hear that your boys are doing well!!! That’s major props to you!
Thank U for the Props, I Appreciate U🤗🤗
William Hunter Duncan brought up an thought process of the possibility of dudes wanting to be "mothered" as a possible why- & when I thought about it, not too many had good/healthy relationships with their mothers, so I think that may be the answer & not that I 'damaged' them, lol
That could certainly be the case!
Well said sir...Thank U💪💓
Thank me by being truly happy...🙏
3 sons on your own? Hot damn, that's amazing!
Lol Thank U, That's Not the info I Need Tho😂😂
Nah, I don’t think you’re emasculating, I’ve met women who are but you don’t seem to have fallen into that trap.
Thank U for that, I do Greatly Appreciate U👑👑🥰🥰💜💜☯️☯️🧿🧿🌴🌴
Anytime
I am not a dad, but I am a son, and I have worked in men's circles many times, helping men through their mom and dad issues.
Your boys need strong men around, to model themselves after, first and foremost. That of course is a challenge these days, we are all so atomized and made busy, so little sense of community left, a lot of men not willing or able to mentor.
Boys want to feel useful, important, with a sense of meaning and purpose. They want to be and feel capable. You might tell them what qualities you see in a strong man who is useful and capable. They need to learn to see projects to completion, which of course they need projects they believe in.
They do not need to be shamed or belittled, made to feel small. Not saying you are doing that, but a lot of women do that to their men. We tend to respond well when we are lifted up and made to feel proud of ourselves and our achievements.
I admire anyone raising kids these days. I have been thinking a lot lately, how things would have been different if I had made my High School girlfriend my foundation, or built one for her. We would have had a bunch of great kids.
I have apparently miscommunicated what I was asking- I so Appreciate those of U who have responded, my kids are full grown men already- they actually are Really Great Men, Husbands, and Fathers- I was asking for mens perspective on if witnessing me raise my sons in that manner actually turned the (already) grown men I was dating into switching roles, because of my saying- "I'm the Man of the House" or were the dudes just flawed to start with.
Sounds like you did fine with your boys. The question then is, did you choose guys to date who want a woman to mother them? They were likely already emasculated. Strong men are not intimidated by strong women, but some women who think they are strong treat men like they are less than, more stealing a mans power than being strong. Some women who can't figure out why they can't find a good strong man, don't feel like they have to treat a man with dignity and respect. Some women want a man they can dominate. Most good, strong men will not be dominared by anyone.
Ok, I kind of thought I shouldn't be taking that responsibility🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ I never disrespect anyone unless they've disrespected me. Amd I think U are correct in thst they were probably looking to be 'mothered' because to reslly think back not too many of the men I've dated throughout my lifetime actually had healthy relationships with their mothers🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
Sometimes that relationship with mom was a bit too “healthy”, in the sense that she was the first to emasculate him, and even as a man he is still controlled in a sense by her. But it is also true, even the best men might cozy a little too much to being taken care of by a woman.
Yes I can definitely see where that has certainly played out with some dudes- & on the 2nd part, I kinda feel like that's been perpetuated by society's whole feminazi bs too- the ol "if U can't beat em join em" bit
Your anger with your son, and thinking he had too much testosterone is typical for women who like to emasculate men. But you are no feminist. You tell him he is the one that has to do all the stuff to keep a household. You are all over the map. I can relate, but no way is it a good thing for the men in your life.
I Wasn't Asking About My Sons- They Turned Out Great Husbands And Fathers🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ But thank U
From the hillbilly's perspective, out here we killed all the mature bucks in season, out of season until there weren't enough left to keep the young bucks in check, all they want to do is mount the does, the does then drop fawns all times of the year reducing the population through predation (foaling in the winter creates safety by numbers).
Destroy the nuclear family by removing the males and we have this. Disenfranchising them is cutting off their balls so we have de-masculated males.
Gone is a tribal introduction into manhood, conducted by the men.
I couldn't agree with U more, as for destroying the Nuclear family, & that is something which has been deliberately targeted for quite some time already- it's a lot more difficult for an uprising if it's a seriously unequal battlefield. Thankfully my sons (the older 2- who incidently had more responsibility and spent 99% of their childhood with me only) actually became great husbands, fathers, protectors, & providers (unfortunately my youngest who actually spent his childhood years half with me, half with his father ironically didn't grow as well adjusted. Quite sadly his marriage didn't last very long, his wife & he argued relentlessly & then she took the kids, he pretty much lost it, ran away with the circus and ended up on the West Coast where he is currently incarcerated). I would have much preferred Not having to try and fill both roles with my sons, but life had different plans & this is why, I most certainly will Not try to fill both roles or switch roles in a relationship. Thank U David, I most certainly Appreciate Your perspective👑👑🥰🥰💜💜☯️☯️🧿🧿🌴🌴
1st off...hats off to u young ma'am. 🫱 🎩. 2nd off, kudos to U for the courage to even ask, to share detailed truth.💪 I hope U know the magnitude of such💓🎶🎶🎶. 3rd off, how cool am I to be the line emoji user in my "name"😁....4rth...Congrats on raising 3 boys to be men. I have 2 brothers and one mother, 3 step fathers and one hell of a life story. I'm the oldest and cutest🙄, but no matter the efforts, I was unstoppable, kicked outta every school, a "runaway," locked up as a teen...ass bustings and hollering didn't phase this 🐏. I truly think so many variables go into the answering of ur question. Honestly tho, trial and error, the scientific method may be the best way. In my opinion, it takes time to truly know someone and relationship "evolution" has to be noticed. Consistent communication is the key, that and don't put on a show to impress in the beginning(been guilty myself). So many times I saw the "red flags" and didn't even speak on such....therefore I have no room to wine later, well maybe a little 🍾...😭...I "fall in love" or fantasize all the time, but I am honest with myself about the likelihood of my daydreaming. Want in one hand shit in the other ya know...but at the same time, you'll never know till ya try...Life be so finicky I swear... nerve-wracking beautifully a perfect mess...like me and probably U...Oh and the most important advice...KNOW THYSELF, LOVE THYSELF🥰. How can anyone expect to love another if...yea enuff said...Thank U so much for including me on ur journey and I am so proud to call U a friend. Keep on lil Ms. Warrior and know I got ur back💯💪🌬️💞
Thank U Sean👑👑 I Appreciate U. I certainly comprehend & definitely agree, I think back in the day I accepted everyone & everything at face value, simply because I'm Always Me. I've grown over the years tho to stop expecting Anyone else to maintain high self-standards because I realize thats retarded on my part, lol. Time & time again I ended up in arguments cuz I accepted someone for who they (showed me) were, not expecting them to change & they full on expected me to change (or decided they would change me🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️😂😂) which is a rather amusing scenario that only comes from the fact that we each thought the other was doing exactly what we were🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🥴🥴 Thank U for throwin your 2¢ in, and Thank U King for BEing Here🥰🥰👑👑💜💜☯️☯️🧿🧿🌴🌴
I hear 💯%. If U only knew the shit I've dealt with...ugggghhh, but am working my way to not anymore. Shits ridulous and not a respectful way of life. I'd go into detail, but I'll sound like a wacked out insano person. Pretty much how the game people play iz designed...I choose not to live in competition or be a half ass person, slave to money or status. So beyond weird to me that some are so insecure as to wanna control or misguide others...Hope they find the help they need, the courage, love, and integrity too. Hopefully it's a big joke on me I keep thinking, but....Making my way to a better place, sooner than later I hope and staying loyal to me and my pursuit of happiness. 🥰🙏🫶🌎🙌
That's The Way U Do It💪🏽💪🏽 SelfCare NOT SelfSacrifice!! Thank U for that King👑👑 Sending U Mad Love & Blessings Always🥰🥰👑👑💜💜☯️☯️🧿🧿🌴🌴
I apologize in advance if I’m missing important background that would allow me to provide a better response. Reading through your earlier Posts is definitely in my future, but I have quite a bit (not relevant here) going on that I need to take care of first.
On keeping your sons in line, first you did the best you could and were the person with the most knowledge of anyone on Earth on how to handle them. There’s no script, no magic formula.
Did your raising your sons somehow “Emasculate” what I would term the placeholders in your life? They weren’t men, they weren’t there for you, just for a part of you.
IF they had ever intended to be there for you, they would have had a private talk with you, i.e. with your sons nowhere around, about not just discipline, but also on guiding your sons through life, the extent to which they could be a "father figure", and the permissible boundaries of their relationship with your sons. Would it have been ok with you if they had spent time with your sons, going out, doing man things, and so on? I’m not asking you that, I’m asking whether THEY ever asked you about things like that. And from afar, I get the distinct impression that the answer to that is “No”.
“It is better to be alone, than it is to be alone in a relationship”.
I submit that as a guidepost. Wait for the right one to come along. Wait for the one that has done things with their life, has one or more purposes in life, has successes in their life, is self-sufficient and not looking for “a financial merger with benefits”. You do not need any man to complete you. You do not need any man period. You have plenty of people here online that care for you. Once you find your permanent home, there are plenty of loving souls at the animal shelters that will repay the love you give to them several times over. I don’t think that’s been the case with those pseudo-men that you describe.
On the subject of “men”, I grew up where male role models were WW2 Veterans. My father was in the US Army, on the ground and not behind a desk, not flying a plane, etc.. And the Vietnam Vets, while many were poisoned by “their” government with Agent Orange and other toxins, have continued the WW2 tradition pretty well despite their health challenges and a greater degree of PTSD since theirs was more guerilla warfare that only a relatively few WW2 Vets experienced.
I also remember reading in the late 60s/early 70s, in the mainstream press (good luck finding this information in today’s “media”/NSAGoogle) about frogs born with both kinds of genitalia. That was not an accident, that was not “pollution” ("The Official Story" at the time). That was, just like in High School Science Class, an experiment on frogs, to see how gender-blending could be effectively implemented, with what was learned then inflicted upon humans. And that’s just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.
The point is, what you see, what you remember as “men”, still exist yes, but not nearly on the scale, numerically/emotionally/otherwise, that there used to be.
So be extremely protective of yourself, be extremely selective, and if they don’t stack up you have your tribe here on Substack and some no doubt elsewhere. You’re worth it, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Again: “It is better to be alone, than it is to be alone in a relationship”.
And since you have us, you will never ever truly be alone.
💯Well said, ...thank U 🙏
Thank U so much for taking your time to respond King👑👑, I so Appreciate U. I didn't really get to sit down and respond yesterday as I had intended but there's quite a few answers on here, yours included, which have been kinda simmering on the back burner as I've gone thru 2 workdays since posing the question.
First and foremost please, never apologize for living, lol- I am the 1st one who will always comprehend that as much as we may want to simply sit down & do days on end of reading, few of us (if any) currently have that luxury. I very much Appreciate your perspective in here, and I was leaning towards that thought process, however I tend to assume responsibility for All my actions in this life (yes I realize that makes me an anomaly- and I'm ok with that😏😏). So I had to get Mens perspective on this, to be sure I wasn't simply attempting to let myself either take blame I didn't own or let myself off the hook for something I might have done wrong. Blessings for U My Friend🥰🥰👑👑💜💜☯️☯️🧿🧿🌴🌴
"The other day, I heard an Intuitive Whisper, I've been ‘Emasculating Men’ that I was in ‘relationships’ with pretty much my entire life."
No, Reina... you have not.
See, you do not have the power to 'emasculate' anyone... unless they hand you that power themselves, which means - ironically - they already came into the relationship emasculation-ready. In other words? It would not be your fault.
And how a single-mother chooses to raise her children should have had no bearing on a relationship between a man and woman anyhow - you clearly knew what was best for your boys, and if a man could not accept that - much less NOT be emasculated by it? He wasn't the man for you, or really any woman with a shred of self-respect. And since you have that in spades?
Yeah, from my perspective... you're good :-) Hope this helps, my friend...
Thank U So Much Bro👑👑 Every time I've read your response, I have to chuckle, Yes Your perspective Certainly helps🥰🥰 I've been getting so many downloads & fresh info intuitively lately it's been difficult to sort out what may have erroneously slipped in. A few ghosts have visited lately as well, so while in the midst of dealing with the 3D, my ever adventurous nite travels, learning all things farming plus the daily chaos that has been ramped up these past few weeks- I've been seriously overwhelmed with a lot. And having been a chronic overthinker most of my life, I like to make sure that if I need an asswhoopin, I'm the one who gives it to me🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🥴🥴😂😂 I so Appreciate U BEing here, part of My Journey, Mad Love & Blessings🥰🥰👑👑💜💜☯️☯️🧿🧿🌴🌴
Hmm. As far as the emasculation goes, I don't think I can add anything better than what Stone Bryson mentioned above.
My only observation would be this. You had a pre-existing family/household dynamic in which you (understandibly) had to maintain a very strong and controlling position at the head. I could see where it would be difficult for even a self confident man to enter into that family dynamic and assume that masculine role, knowing that it is not (at least in the beginning) his own family/household to lead. Definitely not impossible, but a hurdle to overcome.
Thank U King👑👑 Yes I can definitely see how that dynamic itself could be intimidating even, difficult at least, I personally have gone thru similar adjustments when a guy I got involved with had kids already as well, even worse when the other parent is not actually in the picture. I think that's actually one of the reasons I felt maybe it was somewhat my responsibility- especially when U overthink the hell outta everything (like I do) and that whole "common denominator" theory pops up in your head🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️😂😂
A Man, cannot be emasculated.
A Man, cannot be dishonored or disgraced by others.
Only a Man, the individual self, can emasculate, dishonor or disgraced himself.
Others opinions and actions do not dictate the masculinity, dignity or honor of a man.
Only the actions of the individual themselves.
It is that simple.
Thank U So Much King👑👑 I do truly Appreciate U. I think one of the biggest issues is my tendency to overthink everything and combined with the fact that I always take responsibility for my actions leads to me questioning if I "did something wrong" if I'm the common denominator with kinda same issue repeatedly. On the flip side going thru all of these responses has also made me think about why I was that common denominator, because apparently I hadn't actually learned the Lesson I was supposed to so I kept getting reinvolved with the same dude in different meatsuits🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🥴🥴
I understand.
Regardless of circumstances, the common denominator in all of my chaos has been me.
Figuring out my role in the Dance is the trick.
Exactly🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤣🤣 I think that's often the hardest equation
Damn, this hit deep. First off - respect for even asking the question, because most people would just double down on their stance and keep rolling. The way I see it, real masculinity doesn’t evaporate just because a strong woman enters the room. If a man is truly in his power, he won’t feel "emasculated": he’ll rise, meet that energy, and build something solid with it.
That being said, I get it. When you’ve been running the whole damn show solo, it’s hard to step back and let someone else carry weight. Not because you don’t want to, but because experience has taught you that when you do, shit falls apart. So is it emasculating, or is it a stress test most men fail?
Maybe the real question isn’t whether you took their masculinity, but why they never fully owned it in the first place. 🔥👑
Thank U Queen👑👑 for chiming in!! I Appreciate your perspective greatly. Honestly one part of me was stating exactly what U said, but then I had an internal argument because I also always own my actions and my responsibility to them. Actually it was My Shadow who was saying that but nowhere near as eloquently as U stated it, so I had to double check- she tends to be an aggressive asshole at times🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️😂😂 Mad Love & Blessings🥰🥰👑👑💜💜☯️☯️🧿🧿🌴🌴
Dear Reina, this post has stayed with me. I honor your courage in writing it. I don't exactly know how to give a wonderful comment. It seems to me you are in warrior mode, excellent for raising boys on your own, but less so for romance. The warrior mode, might not be serving you well now as the original purpose, raising your kids, is no longer needed? A question I think is worth contemplating, and nixing if wrong: do you have a fear of embracing your divine feminine?
Thank U King👑👑 I very much Appreciate your perspective, and while not today (at this point in my life), I honestly believe U brought up a very good point. It's never been so much a fear of embracing as, quick to withdraw- like the second a dude waivers on fulfilling his role, I would immediately (without even realizing that I had done so) pick up the slack & run with it. Somewhere down the line realizing that we had "switched roles" & instantly be left in disgust because if I have to be the provider and protector, then I am better off doing it for myself by myself. And that is also when I would completely lose respect (not disrespect as there is a difference) for him as a man- I've also been known to tell a guy str8 out that I already have(had) 3 sons to raise, I don't need or want another especially 1 who's bigger than me to start with & supposedly full grown🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️😂😂
You are welcome, wonderful reply. 🙌
Hey Reina! I very much agree with Stone's comment but wanted to add a bit more. My dad was the disciplinarian in our household and at time's he would have to get our attention in ways similar to how you describe in your post. As an adult now, I don't blame him for it at all, in fact I appreciate it. Had he taken a back seat and just let me do whatever I wanted, I wouldn't have learned how to take care of myself out in the world. It doesn't sound like you were throwing blatant insults at your kids, which would lower confidence. But instead you were getting your son's attention, which is important because kids surely don't know everything. Fast forward to today, I personally think the world has become too sensitive in terms of masculinity. It's almost like we've become so sensitive we can't handle masculine men. I've been discussing this a lot in some groups I'm a member of and we've come to the consensus that we need to reshape masculinity in a way where men are strong leaders who support growth and do not put down or try to dominate and control others. Like Stone says, no one has the power to "emasculate" you, but if that is happening more in society, I would say it's because of how society has turned to portray masculinity recently, as if it's a harmful, bad, dangerous thing. It's not... It just may need to be clarified what "good masculinity" is. Toxic masculinity is talked about a lot in articles and the news, but we hear nothing of what "good examples of masculinity" look like. Parents 50+ years ago did way crazier things with their network than we do today, hence why I believe we've become more sensitive. It's a mans job (and really women too) to check in on themselves after they leave home and notice anything that was missed during their upbringing. That's what I did. Taught myself anything I was missing (which was a decent amount) and took responsibility for molding my own character in what seemed right to me after I saw the world a bit with my own eyes. I hope this was helpful for you!
I've not done the job I've needed to with my sons. Both are grown, but not quite independent. It's been challenging to move from mom/son to grownup/grownup. We're working through it. Nothing I saw in this post seemed emasculating to me. On the other hand, I was raised hard and expected my sons to be the same way without the hard upbringing. That was dead wrong. Also, although we're sharing a space, I can't treat them like second class citizens. We have to come to agreements and respect them, until they're in their own places.