Type II

All Addictions Cost

As I start typing this, I feel all kinds of emotions rising to the surface. I'm not sure how to begin this but I've been getting nudged to write about it. The subject matter is far from new to me, while at the very same time completely new for me. It's always difficult for me to speak (in this case write) about something personal that is occurring in real time. I've always just stayed shut about personal shit until after it’s over and done with, unless speaking one on one with a person out of necessity. One main reason I deal with things this way is due to never wanting for anyone to take pity or feel sorry for me. That shit is pure negativity & I don't need or want it. On the flipside, 95% of my writings here have been done so as to help or inspire another who may be going thru something similar. The other 5% of my worx are just for fun, the beauty of life, or venting to work my way thru & process something. So here I am. Quietly turning this shit over & over in my head. I guess that kind of makes this a venting to process piece too. Honestly tho, my 1st thought is to help others. As well, staying silent & fighting my way thru shit on my own has always been the way I've dealt with personal shit, and while that's how I’m comfortable handling life, this year has been a Collective Wake Up Call to GTFO of Our Comfort Zones!!

The past couple weeks, I saw the signs. Ego is a muthafucka when it comes to arguing U out of something U know is Fact. 20 years ago while in Nursing School, I researched and studied this shit & wrote a paper on it that I wrote so fucking well my Medical Terminology Professor who had been an R.N. for some 35+ years was impressed enough to state, it read like an article from the Medical Journal. It was an easy research subject for me because my grandmother had dealt with this garbage some 19 years prior and while it’s not what eventually killed her, I’m positive it helped. My grandmother dealt with it the last 15 years of her life so I wanted to learn about and comprehend exactly what she had gone thru. Being in the Nursing field for 25 years on a professional level and a lifer of a personal aspect, I've seen this garbage on a fucking rampage, especially in the last 15-20 years as our society has ended up under the pharmaceutical industrial complex's boot across our throats.

I saw the signs, I didn't ignore them, I recognized each one as it occurred, but like I said, Ego is an argumentative fucker, & talked me out of the correct diagnosis by deflecting each time with any other plausible scenario. Noticed an almost nauseating sweet smell all around me while sweating my ass off working, that's awkward, must be my clothes, I haven't used my dryer angel in a while tho I don't remember that effect before, who knows?? Must be the dryer angel. Noticed having to get up 2 sometimes 3x per nite to urinate, I drank a lot of water too late before going to bed. I noticed everytime I gotta use the bathroom, it's fucking emergency status, then again I was sweating way too damn much for the fluid intake, probably teetering on the edge of a UTI better up my fluid intake & pay more attention to keeping at the correct intake/output levels. My energy levels are tanking but I haven't been sleeping the greatest, so there's that. Noticed that even when my urine is damn near clear there’s a strong abnormal odor, again probably borderline UTI. Got on the scale at the grocery store, 190lbs- I’m not eating excessively so wtf?? Time to start getting back on my Intermittent Fasting. Then I noticed everytime I urinate, it looks like there’s soap bubbles across the top of the fluid line. I know what this is, but I’m still in denial, so much so that I’m literally fucking hiding my sugar intake as if I was a lil kid sneaking around to not get in trouble. Next trip to the grocery store, I get back on the scale, 194lbs- I can't allow Ego to keep taking the fucking wheel, I’m literally killing my kidneys. This is Type II Diabetes (scientifically known as Type II Diabetes Mellitus more commonly known as late onset or adult diabetes) at the onset, but it probably began years ago, went into remission in 2020 when I first really focused on my health and got rid of 71lbs in 1 year. Now it's actually showing up after I allowed my sugar addiction to get completely out of control over the past 6 months.

I know what this is, but still I had to look up everything again, still tryna argue my way out of it. Proof staring me in the face as I start my research, trying desperately to prove myself wrong cuz damnit I don't wanna deal with this bullshit!! I got nobody to be pissed at for this shit, nobody held a gun to my head & made me eat fucking garbage- No, I did this. Knew better, all the reasons why not to do the dumb shit of putting toxic poison in my body, but I did it anyway. Yes, I developed an addiction to sugar and wheat products, that however is Not a valid excuse. I cannot tho, afford to wallow in kicking my own ass. I already began getting back into Intermittent Fasting. I am No longer allowing myself to go sneaking around for poison. I’m 5 days in, of cutting back my total daily caloric intake, 1 24hr fasting day, high protein, herbal therapy (meaning literal herbs: ginger, turmeric, garlic, cayenne, dandelion root tea). I know there are other herbs which do help to cleanse and nourish the kidneys, and I need to ask U,

Solarah

for some assistance in this area. I know U have more herbal experience than I do. Please any advice U can give as far as herbal teas, or plants (other than cranberries- I've known about them since I was a child, due to a whole fuck ton of UTIs caused by abuse), would be very much appreciated.

Before a single person tries to advise me about running to some pusher in a labcoat to have the ability to go purchase some drugs which are simply to manage the symptoms, not take care of the dis-ease which I created by improper diet, exercise, & rest- SAVE IT. I didn't make myself this fucking uncomfortable speaking about something this personal to have some NPC who has Zero critical thinking skills, lecture me about needing another meatsuit to pat themselves on the back for lining their own pockets. There is Not a single other human on this planet who is more qualified to handle my health issues than I am, because there is Not 1 other human on this planet who lives in the meatsuit I been wearing for 49, almost 50 years. I have, and will continue to successfully diagnose, treat, and fix any health issues for me. As well I will Always utilize methods which are here Naturally and methods which actually correct & delete the problem, not prolong it via drug use so someone else can have financial gains from me being fucked up. If that's how U choose to live your life, I’m happy for U & send U Blessings No Matter what!! I on the other hand will maintain my wellbeing as I see fit.

I don't know how long it will take me to get rid of this shit, but Yes it is curable, just like any other dis-ease, U cure it by utilizing proper diet, exercise, and rest. I do know I will Not be eating any more poison- out of control weight is something I’ve lived with my entire life, I've been at both extremes and all over the middle ground as well, so that wasn't enough of a wake up call to get me serious about not playing Russian Roulette. Now Source got my attention, Now I know why My Grandma's been trying to get my attention. I been fuckin up, it's time to get my shit together. This was the Final Wake Up Call & my 2nd chance at life, Now I’m taking it serious.

Until Next Time, Mad Love & Blessings🥰🥰👑👑💜💜☯️☯️🧿🧿🌴🌴