Self Conscious

And Aware with No Fucks Given

What are U hiding?? About yourself & from yourself?? No, seriously~ What do U pretend doesn't bother U but deep down when it's just U & the mirror, U feel annoyed or unhappy with??

When I was a kid, there was one thing about Me that bothered me. It didn't bother me because of how anyone else thought of it. It never was mentioned by anyone else, probably not even noticed. It bothered me, because it bothered Me. I was never that type of kid to worry about how someone else thought of me, or even much less what they said. Guess what?? Humans are judgemental, they talk shit about everyone and everything. I learned that before I ever even entered kindergarten. I was a quiet kid, and as a general rule the adults would forget I was in the room. It was very easy to sit there & study their interactions with each other, sometimes for hours on end. U learn a lot about humans at a very early age this way, and that's how I knew, Humans are just brutal & outright dog each other out most of the time. I developed a very thick skin & all that “bullying” eh hem, Name Calling never bothered me. I was also never one to fall to Peer Pressure either, but that's an entirely different story. On the other hand, as I've always told people, my eyes work very well & if I look in the mirror & something bothers Me, it's because I Don't Like It (whatever the It happens to be).

So there's been One thing about me, which has bothered me All my life, & I used to be overly self conscious about it. I've actually been so self conscious about it that I’ve literally gone about hiding it while most often simultaneously talking shit about it just to ensure nobody else could, which is fuckin hilarious considering, Nobody Else Ever Has!! The minute I left my biologicals “care” I figured out how to go about hiding this one thing that bothered me. In 1987 at 12 years old, playing around with makeup, I decided to try using mascara- in order to add color & subsequently Life to my clear (yes I said Clear!!) Eyebrows. People will try to correct me all the time, saying, “O U Mean Blonde!!” NO!! If I Meant Blonde I would have Said Blonde- I’m not colorblind, Nor am I an idiot, my shits are fucking clear as in ZERO PIGMENTATION.

Anywhooo… As a kid I started applying mascara to my eyebrows as well as my eyelashes, so that I would look like a “normal” human instead of an Alien, lol. The first time I ever went out in public without coloring my brows since then, was in 2008 when I herniated a disc in my spine & getting back on my feet, moving around, and walking independently again was more important to me than how I looked while doing so. Then went right back to making sure they were colored in every time all over again. Somewhere around 2017, when I started going thru a violent tower moment, mixed with the beginning of true shadow work (for the 1st time in my life), & now having grandbabies (who spending quality time with was more important to me than how I looked) is when I started easing up on having to “slap some eyebrows on my face” before facing the day. I still wasn't comfortable with anyone seeing any pix of me “without eyebrows” tho so all the pix I took for my fb page still had to be specifically when I had done my makeup. In 2022, when I was working as a Home Health Aide & had 2 roommates with 1 bathroom, I started going to work more & more without them, but still made sure to color them in when not at work. Even starting my account here on Substack, I've been seriously uncomfortable with publishing any pix of me which I hadn't already colored my eyebrows in. So the whole point of this piece is this~

I Am Me, whether U can tell I have Eyebrows or Not~ I’m still Me!! I Am Still That Woman who will go the xtra Mile to ensure Everyone is Good. I’m still that Woman who will give my last to ensure someone else has- because I can & will go get More of Anything I Need/Want!! I’m Still That Warrior who Will Go To War for What's Righteous, with or without U being able to see My Eyebrows….

While yes, there's 1 or 2 other pieces which include pix of me where I don't have makeup on- U have No clue how difficult it was for me to publish those pieces!! This one tho I am throwing the chains out the window & publishing with Pride!!

So I ask again: What are U hiding?? About yourself & from yourself?? No, seriously~ What do U pretend doesn't bother U but deep down when it's just U & the mirror, U feel annoyed or unhappy with??

Stop allowing insignificant bs to Rule your life- Enjoy Being the Beautiful Alien U Are😏😏🥰🥰👑👑☯️☯️💜💜🧿🧿🌴🌴