Fighting DisCouragement

Still got sleep deprivation, as of 30mins ago add cold & wet. It's been a low point in this journey, surpassing everything from the course of this past year. Greed runs rampant in CT, and I honestly (deliberately) had no real recollection of just how bad it is. The first motel I was in, ok (not really) at $410 per week, turned absolutely obnoxious at $85 per nite when I needed to extend a night. Then add to that, they don't start counting the next day for your “24hrs” because they start at moment of checkin (no matter how late in the day) til the next a.m. at 11, this formula in their world equals a whole day. So when I checked in, I verified with the clerk that checkout was for Fri 6/6. Friday arrived and I went to the office to extend my stay 1 more nite, only to be told that (even tho Nobody came to my door all day) Thursday was supposed to be my checkout. So I would now owe them, 2 days rent, for $170.

No option but to eat the charge since I wasn't capable of moving on to my next location at that very moment. I took the damn near $200 hit like my name was Tyson & kept it pushin, only to find out, while I was getting robbed in the office, one of the owners had been in my room, but nobody could go to my room on Thursday. Aggravating, but I brush that shit off & keep goin. Get everything together & bounce by 11am Saturday. Finally get to meet my now almost 8mo grandson & spend the day with his 2 big sisters (my other 2 grandbabies) who I haven't seen in more than a year. Got to spend some time with my son & daughter-in-law as well. Pretty good day. When I left the house, I took a walk around town to get my bearings, and then stopped at the homeless shelter to get some information. Found out there was in fact beds available, tho I couldn't access 1 until I had a meeting with 211.

I walk up the mountain side to the hospital ER waiting room and find a chair in a quiet corner next to a wall outlet so I can charge my phone. I didn't make any noise. Even when I called 211 to start the process of getting into the shelter, I was so quiet the Rep had to keep asking me to repeat myself or speak up, cuz she was having trouble hearing me. I only got up from that tucked away corner seat 1 time thru the whole nite, to use the restroom, wash my face, & refill my water bottle. The waiting room wasn't very busy all nite which I was thankful for, especially since the blinding recessed spotlights & uncomfortable chair kept me from closing my eyes peacefully for any type of rest. By 5am I was in process of doin the “Jello neck head bob” when a hospital security officer came over and asked me several questions about what I was doing in the waiting room. So I (half asleep) explain to him what was goin on, I was lookin for a safe spot to be while I had Nowhere, To Be. He responds with an attitude telling me, “This Is Your Last Time Here!!” I didn't speak I just gave him a screwed up look like, “WTF BRUH??” He toned down his attitude instantly and ‘explains’, “There's been other people in your situation, who basically messed it up for everyone” then turned and walked away. I finished waking up (as best I could under the circumstances) & left. So at least him being a complete and total disCompassionate ass, served a purpose, I got to see a Beautiful Sunrise for the 1st time since I been back.

I walked around town for about 4hrs, before heading over to my kids, as it's my daughter-in-laws parents house, & they (well one of them) are is not the most compassionate person either. I mean it's really quite difficult to be a miserable narcissist And a compassionate human at the same time. I had promised my 10yr old granddaughter we would go to the park or at least go play in the yard. However with the way things went the nite before, I needed a nap. I fell asleep for maybe 20mins on the sofa, and all hell broke loose. The parent basically started threatening the stability of a roof over my grandbabies heads even tho they are their grandchildren too. So I got up & left, spending the last $100 I had to rent yet another motel room, in order to keep shit peaceful for my kids as best as possible. What I actually paid for was yet another nite of No sleep being eaten alive by bedbugs!!

Today rolls around and I have my 211 interview for shelter, at which point I'm told there's no available beds. I can tell U that's horseshit, the monitor who told me there was, would serve herself no purpose in telling me that, no matter true or false. But there's a lot of money to be made by all the space holders on 211s payroll if my social security number stays in the system for a while. So I'm cold & wet, as it's raining, sleep deprived and carrying approximately 75lbs xtra between my backpack & dufflebag. The sleep deprivation will get worse due to No sleep abilities when legit in the streets. I don't know what to do at this point. I've hit a freakin brickwall. I know there's reasons for this & found the meme to match when I opened

The Starfire Codes

reading today.

Followed by this a few minutes later

I'm staying positive but It Ain't Fuckin Easy Right Now.

Anywho, there's more details to this story but the library is about to close & I gotta get movin. Send some positive energy my way please, I need all the help I can get right now. Mad Love & Blessings🥰🥰👑👑💜💜☯️☯️🧿🧿👁️