Changes Starting
Not Everything is Always as It Seems...
Tuesday was Moving Day, AGAIN.
And while it really knocked me on my arse, 100% drained/depleted/done not having the energy to “Social” in any format, EVERY single thing that happens in This Life has a Balance!! When U think U have been knocked down for the 90th time in a row, open your eyes & ears, close your mouth & simply pay attention, be clearly aware of your surroundings in the moment, and realize where, what, how your new Blessings are. They're Always There.
Today for the first time in several weeks I awakened at 515am, on my own and listened to the birds singing outside, welcoming the new day. And a Smile spread across my face in the darkness of the extended stay room. A moment of Peace to open my eyes before the baby started to cry simply to wake up. Before the younger toddler got up for his bottle of milk. Before the older toddler awakened to pick a fight with her lil brother, just because. And even before my son’s daily work alarm (which he is the only one, it doesn't wake up) went off. Just darkness, singing birds, and Peace.
Peace is sooo undervalued in today's society and sooo very Necessary!! Without a few moments of Peace, U can literally feel your Soul dying.
On Wednesday, I had a video job interview to attend, with yet another HomeCare Agency. I had filled the application last Saturday on ZipRecruiter, within five minutes, the agency emailed me a notice & link to fill the full application on their website along with sending them my references & background check authorization. Then my son told my daughter-in-law on Sunday that we were probably moving back to the previous location within the next couple days. My brains internal reaction…..
“FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!”
That was the last straw, my nervous system started to shut down. I have been trying to gain footing, to get stable, to achieve an income again. And at every single turn, just as my toes hit the starting line, that damn carpet gets ripped violently from under me again. This has been the ongoing theme since the end of March. I’m good about rollin with the punches, but I too, have my breaking point.
Monday, the agency I had applied with on Saturday, texted and emailed me, to ask me if I would be available for an interview on Tuesday. I was just about to text them back, “I Absolutely Am” when I realized we may be in a public venue at that time of day waiting til check in time- not a spot where I could get on camera and discuss personal business, my work history, or even look presentable for an interview. With the thoughts of, “why even bother,” abundantly present in my mind, I text back asking if they had any availability on Wednesday. On Tuesday, the day got going, and I was numb internally but pushing thru it. We managed to get an early check in, and my son wouldn't have to miss an entire work day, nor would we have to hang out in a public space all day til he was outta work (we've handled it this way before & I can tell U from experience, it's Not the Picnic it sounds like it would be). So my son dropped us off and ran back to work. Only when he was gone did I realize, while we had food to feed the kids & ourselves- we had No pots, pans, dishes, or utensils- THEY WERE ALL IN THE CAR!! At this point I was truly struggling not to just lose it. I was exhausted, physically and mentally. I was Hungry. I was agitated. And with No reprieve in sight, I was fried. Everything was starting to pluck my nerves. But I managed to remain as quiet & flat as I could, I didn't explode, tho I felt it right there. I didn't snap tho I did speak very aggressively several times, I still somehow held it together. We managed to get a delivery order from Walmart and “cooked” some hotdogs directly in the microwave. Tuesday night, I barely slept. The kids didn't sleep, really, so that kinda means Nobody slept.
Wednesday, I got up early, without even the ability to scrub my grill, because even all our hygiene was in the car, and by the time my son got in from work at 1130pm, I wasn't going outside to start bringing in all our stuff. I was in the process of putting on my socks & shoes when my son asked me if I had grabbed what I needed from the car, I said No & he asked me why not. At this point I was feeling almost worse than Tuesday and I snapped at him, “Because I don't have Keys to Your car!!” He brushed it off, pointing to the table where his keys were, rolled over & went back to sleep. I took his keys and made several loaded trips up & down the stairs unpacking & carrying up everything I could think of that we needed. Once back inside I set up mi cafetera, put it on the stove, and went to Brush my teeth!! I was starting to feel halfway human again. Then I sat down to relax, drink mi cafecito, and try my zoom link for my interview. That's when I discovered that zoom has now set up where U cannot access anything from their website, not even to simply “join a meeting.” Now U have to have their app!! The agitation from yesterday was creeping back, but now felt more like slow, dull, building anger. My son told me to use his laptop, and that should have been it but I was already slipping back into disgust, so it irked me that I “had to use” his laptop instead of just doing everything on my phone. I went to jump in the shower to attempt getting ready, getting my mind right.
My daughter-in-law helped me set up the laptop just in time for my interview. I ran outside with the laptop, notebook & pen, and my phone. I sat down & pulled my phone out to see a missed message from my interviewer. He said he was running late, and he would make it in 15mins. The laptop was almost dead so I went back inside to plug it up while I waited. On the dot, 15 minutes later my interviewer joined the meeting, and I ran into the bathroom for my interview. My interviewer turned out to be the agency owner, who is very impressed with my resume, and willing to pay me at the top end of the payscale for all Caregiver work performed. This puts me back to the general pay range I was in prior to leaving CT which is currently at effectively $17ph minimum wage. TX minimum wage on the other hand is the same as Federal minimum wage at $7.25ph, which is a significant difference. My interview went so well that by the end of it, I not only have a new job, I also finally made the decision to go after my license. He never asked about my license, he never said having one was mandatory or necessary. I decided it will be more beneficial working for This agency to have one. And since this is a small start-up agency, he’s already talking about an advanced position for me as we start to grow. Literally have been recognized for my experience and value that I bring to the company and that is an experience I have never felt before. I've had plenty of jobs realize my value for their benefit, but never one that recognized my worth and willing to make sure that while they are benefactors of my value that I benefit as well. That's the diferencial, I know My Worth and if U think that I will allow someone else to benefit off my blood, sweat, & tears while I benefit nothing, U and they can All Suck a Fat One. This is exactly why I have never really cared about any specific job or company. I will quickly go elsewhere. But this time it's different. This man showed me already that he is willing to actually value me, then I’m ALL IN, and I Will Go that Extra Mile, Happily!!
Dang, baby, I am tired just reading it. It looks like him (the interviewer) being late was PERFECTO MUNDO timing so you could get the laptop charged, and thank goodness. I am glad you were able to interact with a real human being. May you have everything that you need moving forward and may your son rest better at night for it. If his alarm isn't waking him, he must be one tired puppy! I am so grateful you have a workable plan. I wish for you, all good things.
That is absolutely marvellous, well done! 💙🤗🥰