2nd Wind

Don't count me out til I don't have breath left in my body

So the last thing I wrote about yesterday seemed kind of depressing, I know, but it wasn't meant to be. I was pointing out the flaws (tho that word really doesn't speak to the volume of just how disturbing it really is) in our so called system, as well as keeping U updated on how things were going for me (as I said I would). I know there's always gonna be Ups & Downs in life, the point is to always Appreciate the Ups & acknowledge the downs without focusing on them. The minute U allow yourself to get tangled in the emotional reaction to anything less than great in life it will weigh U down & then U will actually draw in more of what U don't want. It's not an ideal situation, but I’ve honestly faced & dealt with way worse in this year alone.

Yesterday was a test in some ways as well as a redirection. The test was about resiliency, & that's one I Always pass as I realized long ago that, there is Nothing on this planet that I can't bounce back from, and Everytime I come back stronger & with more life experience to get thru the next chapter. We've all had those days where it seems as if everything U try to do doesn't go right or just flat out fails. The days where it feels like doors just get slammed in your face at every turn. Well that happens when U are off your path, out of balance, and those aren't Your doors. I tried everything I could think of yesterday & nothing was working. I got to where I resigned to the thoughts of how I was gonna deal with just being out all nite wandering the streets. Remembering the laundromat I've been using is 24hrs, I figured if need be I could sit inside there for a bit. I thought about looking up any other 24hr businesses that may be in the area. I scoped out a few spots where I could dip outta site to maybe lean my head against the wall & take a quick nap, which is not that easy anymore with all the damn cameras everywhere U turn. It's been years since I functioned that way, I was actually able to kind of almost forget how to survive in that manner. I spoke to a dude who worked at the hotel about if he knew of any rooms for rent for at least a few day for $100 or less. He told me he did but he wouldn't put me in a predicament like that. He also had a friend who does Air bnb, who he would check with to see if he had anything available for that price & for how long. I would have to meet him in the a.m. to find out about that. I left the hotel & went to the grocery store where they have a lil lunch area, sat for a bit to try & figure out what I was going to do. After racking my brain to the point of absolute exhaustion, I got up looked around & realized they had no wall outlets to plug my phone in. So I went back to the hotel & asked the front desk if I could sit in the lobby and charge my phone. They said yes & I found the most obscure corner I could to basically stay outta sight.

I put my phone to charge & decided to look again at a website someone had sent me the link for. I had actually forgotten that I had the link, until sitting in the corner trying to disappear from view. The website is kind of like the different hotel/travel sites but it's for Hostels, something which I didn't even realize existed in the U.S. Knowing I had 2 meetings set for the a.m. either which could potentially put a roof over my head, maybe, I started looking at what the Hostels had to offer. I found 1 which in that moment, was $25 per nite. I looked at bussing routes & schedules, it would take me just under 2hrs to get there & there was only about 2 & a half hours left to check in. I reserved a bed & chose a bus route (of 3 different connecting busses) of the next bus time. Waiting at the bus stop, the very 1st bus flew right by with the sign “BUS FULL” on the front, but there was only about 10 people inside. Waited about 5 minutes to see if there was going to be another bus right behind it, No absolutely not.

Ok, I fell asleep last nite while writing this as it had been a loooong 2 days on foot in the sun & I was drained…..

At that point I got nervous, with Hostels they have a No cancellation policy, but the office was closing at 11pm & I would have No way to check in after that. The next bus scheduled wouldn't get me there until 4mins before office closing time & if there were any hiccups I’d be screwed. I still had 20mins before that bus was due to arrive so I ran to Publix & grabbed a gallon of water. Ran back to the bus stop, with 2 backpacks, a lunch bag, & the gallon of water (about 55lbs of extra weight) just as the bus was pulling up. This bus was a different route than the original one I chose, with only 2 bus connections to get me to my destination. We got to the main terminal early & I was able to catch the original connecting bus, that I was supposed to have from the bus that flew by. I got to the Hostel with about 30mins to spare. I checked in & the woman working the desk, told me that the bed I chose (in an 8 bed co-ed dorm) was not a room she was comfortable putting me in because there was only men in that room. She said for $3 more she could upgrade me but I told her I really couldn't add anything because I was literally “scraping the bottom of the barrel” right now. She asked me if I was “Traveling” & I explained my recent/current situation, she then told me she would upgrade me for free, putting me in a room of 6 beds where there was already some women. I settled in as quickly & quietly as possible, took a shower, & went to bed.

Next day rolled around and I missed my meeting with the guy who works at the Hotel due to exhaustion & I would have had to be up at 430am to make it back up North to the meeting. I got up at 730, got ready, & jumped on the bus to go meet the “Homeless Mobile Taskforce” & that was a bust. I'm not currently “homeless enough” by their criteria to obtain assistance. They honestly want U to be in a state of pure hopelessness before they will “help” U so that U are so grateful that U basically worship them for “Saving Your Life.” If U seem to be the slightest bit self sufficient, just needing a lil bit of assistance to get back on your feet, U go to the bottom of the list until they see U completely destitute & “broken.” That ain't me. I am Always Appreciative & Grateful for All help received, however I will Not ever Worship a Human & most certainly Not a Damn Gatekeeper!! I extended my bed for another 2 nites, bringing me to Monday a.m. I don't know what Spirit has in store for me after that, but I will not allow myself to fall into a low frequency, wallowing in grief & fear. I definitely appreciate this place I am in currently, it is a Blessing!!

(Waiting in the bus terminal during my running around on Saturday. The exhaustion is all over my face but I honestly don't feel as worn out as I look in the moment)

During my running around I listened to a couple of Readers as I always do & I want to share with U the message I was receiving:

Today I’m relaxing & washing my clothes after 2 days of running all day. I've checked the temp work apps & still nothing in my area. If U notice, Everything I attempted to do 2 days ago, absolutely failed until I decided to check out the Hostel, then Everything fell into place. That was My Door. For whatever reason, this is where Spirit wants me & that's why I was guided here in a complete flowstate. This is why I cannot allow that societal taught negativity to take hold of my emotions. If I would have gotten pissed off, resentful, scared, or any other negative emotion, I wouldn't have heard Spirit reminding me of that website link, or at the very least it would've been too late to go. If this is where I’m meant to be, then I want to be here, & it will flow for me to remain here as long as I’m supposed to be here. I don't need to worry about the “How,” Spirit got that, Spirit is in control. The more U worry about things (which U have zero control of) the further away your Blessings become. Stay in a higher frequency, knowing that Everything is working out for Your Benefit. Be a decent human to all your fellow humans (if U have nothing else to give, a genuine Smile is a Blessing to most!!), & do your part of improving the world around U by operating in Honesty & Genuine Love, U will see a huge turn around in your immediate environment. Every step of Progress is still Progress no matter how “small” it may seem to U in that moment.

(A few pix around the Courtyard/common area of where I’m at)

To those of U who have reached out, Blessed me by any means U can (whether financial or by sending positive vibes my way), shared/restacked my story, &/or assisted my search for help in this area, I Am Grateful beyond words. I know each of U will most definitely be Blessed in Abundance in return for Your efforts!! It All counts, It All means the world to Me. I Honestly Say to Each & Every One of U, I Love & Appreciate U for thinking of Me & for Being U🥰🥰👑👑

I can assure U there is much more to come. Mad Love & Blessings to All Y'all🥰🥰👑👑💜💜☯️☯️🧿🧿🔥🔥🌴🌴